I’m an ENTP!

Extraversion, iNtuition, Thinking, Perceiving (ENTP) one of 16 personality types which is used in the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and this is me. I took a personality test and this was the result.

“Clever” is the word that perhaps describes ENTPs best¹

Well I’m not going to argue with that!

ENTPs are logical, innovative, curious and downright inventive. They see possibilities for improvement everywhere and possess the ability to understand complex concepts. ENTPs are introspective and carefree nonconformists. They often neglect the more common areas of life while pursuing new solutions. ENTPs can be good conversationalists and exciting company. ¹

Still can’t argue with this!

ENTPs are usually verbally as well as cerebrally quick¹

In the most part yes, however there are times when I think of all the things I could have said after the fact.

Generally love to argue–both for its own sake, and to show off their often-impressive skills.¹

I am not showing off!

They tend to have a perverse sense of humour as well¹

Is that what you call it?

And enjoy playing devil’s advocate. ¹

I do. I was having a debate with someone a few days ago and while I could see all of the valid points of his argument, I couldn’t help prodding and poking at his comments to keep him getting more and more heated. I found it thoroughly enjoyable and luckily he didn’t take it offensively, but I do find sometimes that during a debate I have to let the other person know that I agree with them and I’m just trying to test the strength of their opinion to calm them down a bit. I lose interest after that though so those people are no fun.

They sometimes confuse, even inadvertently hurt, those who don’t understand or accept the concept of argument as a sport. ¹

I guess I do (see above). I’m not trying to hurt people but what’s the point in having a conversation with someone who you agree with on all issues? It’s ok sometimes but a bit boring.

Mental “gymnastics” appeal to ENTPs.  They love good, challenging repartee! ³

See J

Why?  Well, they are ingenious.   And analytical. ³

That’s right!

but it can become tiring and nettlesome for those in constant contact with them.  It can appear that they are their own best audience and that they applaud themselves. ³

Alright, point taken.

ENTPs have been known to cut corners without regard to the rules if it’s expedient ¹

Guilty as charged, but I have reasons for this. Sometimes you just need to get a job done or a decision needs to be made and I hate waiting while people are dogmatic about something which can be easily done.

Their optimistic attitudes prod themselves and others to “overcome” the humdrum, the traditional, the expected, the methodical with innovation and energy. ³

I’m not always optimistic for myself, but when I’m in a situation where an individual or group is down and negative I must admit I am skilled at jollying them up. I’m always able to counter their negatives with positives even if I don’t believe it myself. I’m convincing. I’m always able to come up with ways to see the bright side and ideas on how they can improve their situation. People who meet me feeling down usually leave me saying “Thanks, I feel much better now”.

It’s a shame I can’t do it for myself so easily.

they tend to become extremely petulant about small setbacks and inconveniences. ¹

Ah, maybe that’s why.

Major setbacks they tend to regard as challenges, and tackle with determination ¹

Yes usually when the small setbacks become bigger and therefore major because of my grouchiness, I bounce back determined to overcome it.

ENTPs have little patience with those they consider wrongheaded or unintelligent, and show little restraint in demonstrating this. ¹

My mother has been vindicated!

However, they do tend to be extremely genial, if not charming, when not being harassed by life in general. ¹

I can only laugh. These evaluations are like a window into my soul.

ENTPs tend to be oblivious of the rest of humanity, except as an audience — good, bad, or potential¹

Yeah, whatever. What do you know.

They can be dismissive of those they feel are intellectually inferior¹

Lol

Some appear to be deceptively offhand; ¹

First impression of some people who meet me is that I’m stern, unfriendly, authoritarian and sometimes scary!

Others are so demonstrative that they succeed in shocking co-workers who’ve only seen their professional side. ¹

After getting to know me people tend to be shocked by what they see, it totally discounts what they first thought.

Typically good-natured, upbeat and laid-back, ENTPs can be delightful people to be around. ⁴

See, if they didn’t judge the book by its cover, they would never have gotten the wrong idea of me.

They are generally fun-loving and gregarious, and can be quite charming. ⁴

Hear hear! Do you need any more proof?

It can appear that they are their own best audience and that they applaud themselves. ³

This is a clear example of raining on someone’s parade.

They have a problem with sometimes neglecting their close relationships when they become involved in the pursuit of a new idea or plan. ⁴

Some people just don’t like seeing others happy. Sigh.

ENTPs as Lovers

ENTP’s goals for their intimate relationships are similar to their other personal goals: improvement and growth. ⁴

What’s the point of being with someone if you can’t help each other to be better?

They constantly ask themselves questions such as: How can the relationship be improved? Where is the relationship headed? Am I growing in the relationship? ⁴

Shouldn’t we all ask ourselves this?

I once had a relationship where I was so drained of my energy, creativity and ability to develop myself because the other person just kept taking and gave nothing in return. I met him as a loser and left him as someone who was becoming successful and “decent”. Someone his mother could be proud of (why the hell she didn’t do this herself I’ll never know! Well I do but anyway). The only way I could “survive” was by taking breaks from him so I could be myself again, be selfish, do what I wanted when I want to, be silly, be serious, be creative, be nothing, just be.

I asked myself during the full course of the relationship why I didn’t just drop him forever, and even though I was still fairly young (but already too “wise” for my own good), I knew it was because he represented a challenge for me. The chance to turn an ugly duckling into a swan was too much of a challenge for me to walk away from. So maybe in some ways I shouldn’t resent him (I don’t know if I do actually because he didn’t hold me hostage), he did help me develop as a developer and nurturer, a carer and a counsellor and he helped me to have a better idea of what to avoid in the future. An innocent baby face, sweet smile (oh so sweet!) and clever sweet words can mask untamed demons and now I try to see what is under a person’s surface before I take too much interest of the outside. I analyse people’s words and try to hear what they’re not telling me and tend to shock people when I’m able to give them semi accurate evaluations of themselves.

Maybe I should be thanking the ex.

Another potential problem area is the ENTP’s general tendency towards “wildness” and willingness to take risks⁴

Well if you can’t take the heat….

Every now and again I sit and revise the previous period of my life and I always (without fail) ask myself as part of self evaluation “Ya setti (oh woman), why does your life always have to be filled with so much drama? Why can’t you just live a normal life like everyone else? Why do you end up being the one who has stories to tell, some of which you won’t be able to tell your grand children (or maybe I will just so I can be an eccentric granny!)?” I guess it’s because I like taking risks. I have become a bit more conservative as I get older (or so I like to kid myself) or maybe my risks have just taken a new course. I’ve stopped wondering why people are surprised when I relay certain of my experiences. I’m not normal J

They need to watch out for their tendency to be unaware of what others are feeling, and to inadvertently neglect their relationships when faced with exciting possibilities that are external to their personal life. ⁴

Am I supposed to send out an invitation?

Ok, that was insensitive and I shall bear this in mind for the future. “Include my partner in all exciting possibilities and don’t neglect him”

The ENTP’s dominant function of Extraverted Intuition is best matched with a personality that is dominated by Introverted Intuition. ⁴

Does that mean guys who need mothering?! I’ve had enough of those L

ENTPs as Parents

With their fun and upbeat natures, there’s a little bit of kid inside all ENTPs. ⁴

Isn’t that the truth!

They approach parenthood with a fun-loving attitude which has a serious underlying goal: to make everything a learning exercise (for themselves as well as for their children) which promotes the child’s growth into an independent, logical thinker. ⁴

This is so true. I don’t have children of my own, but I can’t stand to watch children play with toys, play games or watch TV shows which have no purpose. When I buy gifts for children I always try to find ones which I think they would enjoy and that they will learn from. If possible I use their questions or actions as an opportunity to learn something useful.

I’m looking forward to having my own.

The ENTP is likely to be somewhat inconsistent about spending quality time with their children. ⁴

That’s not nice. L Another thing I’ll need to be careful of in the future.

ENTPs as Friends

ENTPs can get along with almost all other types of people. ⁴

This is very true, although it can be a bit awkward at times. Not everybody is willing or able to get on with all types of people, so when I want to arrange group activities with all my friends, I find I have to pick and choose which ones would be able to get on together. Not easy. Until now I just keep my various groups of friends separate.

I remember in secondary school especially, I had different groups of friends. I was part of the “in” crowd, but I was also friends with the “odd bods”, the “nerds” and anyone else I found interesting. Of course this would elicit shock from the “in” crowd and exclamations of “Why would you want to speak to them!?”

The ENTP’s conclusion

I was prompted to take this test because I was writing a series of careers advice emails for a friend. I stated in one of the emails that a good way to decide on an appropriate career was to know yourself and to do that you could take a personality test. I’d never taken one before and I needed to be sure that I selected one which would be useful and as accurate as possible. I took the test and I’m still quite surprised by the results. I don’t consider myself as the type of person who can be categorized. What you see is rarely what you get with me. I have a multifaceted, multilayered personality which I can adapt to suit any given situations and it usually works to my advantage because it provides me many opportunities to learn and be part of varied experiences. I’m not intimidated by the most senior manager (or at least I won’t show it) and I can easily be found sitting laughing, joking and drinking tea with an office boy (An employee in Egypt who is something like a messenger, makes tea and coffee etc ). I have friends with high status whose fathers eat with kings and I will go and have dinner in the home of people who most in the society would consider unworthy. It doesn’t matter to me. People are people.

If I am completely honest with myself I would say that all of the ENTP summaries I have read by various different people have all been 99% correct. It’s not easy for me to see my supposed personality laid out on a computer screen including all the good and bad qualities I know I have (but don’t highlight to all and sundry). At some points during my reading (when I wasn’t laughing or groaning) I felt a bit vulnerable.

I’m happy I took the test and I will look into it more because it’s been useful to see that some of the things that I consider in myself as faults can actually be seen as positives. It’s also given me pause for thought on some of my negative qualities (as viewed by an eternal body) and will be something I’ll be trying to be careful of in the future.

Here is the test I took: http://www.personalitytest.net/cgi-bin/q.pl

I plan to follow this post with an evaluation of the careers selected for ENTP’s and the famous and fictional people and characters who have been assigned the same categories as me.

Outplacement consultant? Venture capitalist? Interesting

Alexander the Great? Mercutio, from Romeo and Juliet? Hmmm

References:

1. http://typelogic.com/entp.html

2. http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/entp/

3. http://members.tripod.com/~PersonalityInstitute/ENTPs.htm

4. http://www.personalitypage.com/ENTP_rel.html

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Quran Recitation

I have no words for this except, may Allah continue to bless Ahmed Saud and keep him safe.

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Update: Egyptian Tourist Visa

Get out of De Nile 😀

People are still searching about this issue and it’s getting no clearer.

You have a choice:

• Get a job (with a work permit) but make sure you’ve been doing the same job for at least 4 years in your home country
• Marry one of those God’s gift to the earth Egyptian men 😉
• Study at an Egyptian University
• Move to Luxor where the immigration office doesn’t know about the “new” law 😀
• Get a new identity which states you’re 60+ years old
• Make plans to live somewhere else

What you shouldn’t do is hope that they’ll change their mind and this new mess will only last as long as the traffic laws.

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Referrers

I was looking at my stats today and I noticed that under the section titled “referrers” I have a number of links to facebook and hotmail? *puzzled*

I did a search and found an answer in the wordpress forum that states it’s more than likely that a link to my blog is being emailed around. Interesting.

I think it’s the post “Time to move on”  which is causing this interest since the stats on that have rocketed and my guess is other foreigners in Egypt are searching for more information about the new rule changes.

If people out there are worrying about this issue why not post in the comments section and share your stories. I’m going to contact my embassy on Sunday to find out more information so will post what I hear in case anyone else comes along.

Good luck wherever life leads those of you with no options, I hope you find another happy place. My guess is there will be a number of lucky Egyptian men out there suddenly getting proposals from foreign women! They’ll think it’s laylatul qadr come early! 😀

Xeper! That could be a good business idea – a matchmaking service! Got any spare friends? 😉

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Time to move on

They’ve changed the visa rules in Egypt. I live here on a tourist visa, as do a number of others. It’s always been fine for many nationalities to renew their visa annually and live here without the need to marry an Egyptian, work or study. The five year residence visa is impossible to obtain without the former two factors. Foreigners come here for a number of reasons; some to retire, some for the cheaper cost of living, some buy property, some for hijrah – it’s one of the easiest countries to live in visa wise so an apt choice for those looking for relief from the stress, expense or isolation they may face in their home countries. Egyptians have always been seen to welcome others and so the former mentioned groups can live in relative peace and happiness.

Those living in this way also tend to integrate better into the society as opposed to the Petroleum expats who simply see it as a benefit to live like kings while their wives, shop, beautify themselves, get chauffeured around by the driver (yes darling), do lunch (and sometimes “do” the local help from what I’ve heard), oh and they’ll learn their one Arabic word – Shukran!

The company I worked for before employed me and paid me via their European head office in order to save the hassles of applying for the work visa, the process for which is a mess of red tape and bureaucracy. Many companies here in Egypt are employing foreigners “under the table” for this reason and while it’s not right, they blame the hassle and expense. Others say it’s unfair to the Egyptians who would be able to do the same job and lose the chance because of these “khawagaat”. According to my previous employers if this was the case they wouldn’t have hired me since the Egyptian is far cheaper, but in their experience less productive. Kheir. It’s not about who may be better or worse. This will now end!

In the past couple of weeks, those going to get their annual visa renewed at Mogamma in Tahrir (read “Hell’s reception” and star of the hilarious Adel Imam movie Irhab wil Kebab) have been informed that they will be given 3 months only after which they’ll not be able to obtain another. They will need to get married, get a job or study if they want to remain in the country. In the words of one such foreigner “It’s not enough to love Egypt and Egyptians anymore”.

The major shock, upheaval and mess this is going to cause for some doesn’t bear thinking about. I’ve read that there are people with property here who can’t get the residence visa due to delays in paperwork or general maladministration. There are people who have sold up everything in their home countries to settle in Egypt because there was no indication that this was going to happen. So why did it happen? Apparently it’s a tit for tat strategy in response to the alleged mistreatment of Egyptians by foreign embassies. The reams of paperwork, waiting times and lack of respect which Egyptians face when applying for European visas which is in opposition to the ease foreigners experience when their visas are granted in the airport on arrival, has prompted the foreign minister to issue a number of complaints to the European Ambassadors. Are their complaints justified? I’m not Egyptian so I haven’t experienced it, but assuming that the people doling out this disrespectful treatment are Egyptian embassy workers themselves it gives rise to the fact that there is more to this than simple inequality.

Customer service in general is lacking here in Egypt; sour faced government employees, who could kill you with a look; don’t expect a smile! Sullen shop assistants who prefer to lose a sale rather than find you your preferred size; don’t expect a “Good day”! Supermarket cashiers who throw your groceries down the checkout; don’t expect a thank you! So who can expect the embassy staff to be any better?

This man puts the situation into context:

Serious visa people

Sir– Re ‘Unacceptable treatment‘ ( Al-Ahram Weekly 21-27 August), there is definitely no balance in the way Egyptians get their visas and the manner Europeans do. A European can enter and simply “buy” the entry visa at the airport for 15 euros. For an Egyptian, having a visa to the EU entails a mass of paperwork, bank account statements as well as guarantees. Are EU embassies treating Egyptians unfairly? I don’t think so. The process might be complicated but it’s straightforward and clear. There is little manoeuvring an EU embassy official can do to deny a visa if documentation is correct and complete.

The Schengen visa constitutes 25 countries today, and many people “shop” around trying to see cracks in the system and see which embassy is the easiest to trick, not knowing that the News SYSII has all shared data and information across the entire EU and Switzerland. I do not want to imply that any Egyptian applying for an EU visa is trying to go with an ulterior motive, but sadly we have to look at the reality of the day and that sums up the situation in economy terms.

Europeans are in large measure tourists and they come helping the economy spending their euros. I doubt that anyone will arrive to the shores of the land of Egypt to seek illegal employment or asylum. Given the official statistics, Egypt, after Iran and Pakistan, holds for the European Union the most number of forgeries, attempts at cutting the system and definitely trying to work, or as an asylum seeker, when travelling on the basis of a tourist visa.

Do Egyptians feel that they are badly treated? I guess they do, but Europeans never were “too warm” or like Egyptians who like to be “friends” from the first encounter. It might seem rude to Egyptians but from a European point of view, you are a visa applicant. Their process is emotions-free.

Farouk Mogheth

Bangkok
Thailand

Ahram Link

So where will this leave the jobless, single foreigner with no plans or means to study? I don’t know about the others but for me it’s an opportunity to put a pin in the map and find a new home. I’m a freelancer anyway and my clients are not in Egypt so the hassles for me will be limited to selling up furniture, packing my suitcase, saying goodbye to friends, finding a new place to live, changing my phone number, informing all my family, friends and contacts and trying to make sure I stay connected to the internet. I could return to England, but this is not an option I want to take. It’s hard to go home when you’ve changed, people you knew have changed, priorities and interests have changed and if we consider that culture shock is bad, reverse culture shock is worse.

So where to next? Malta, Spain, Turkey? J

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Men are from Mars

Him: Are you still mad at me?

Her: Yes

Him: If I knew where you were I would get you flowers now and kiss you to forgive me. I swear I was only teasing you.

Her: What colour flowers?

Him: Hot red

Her: You chose that colour based on what you like without thinking of me. Continue like that and you might realize why I’m mad

Him: Ok. What colours do you want?

Her: It’s not as easy as that. You still didn’t get it. I can see I am right to be mad at you so I’m going to stay that way.

Him: I guess I’m guilty always then.

Her: That’s the easy way out. Admitting defeat without asking yourself what you could be guilty for. It’s ok; just don’t ask me later why I’m mad.

Him: I asked myself and I didn’t get an answer because I meant no harm and I tried to explain that. I even tried to apologise but you won’t accept. That’s why I feel I’m guilty always.

Her: Sigh. It’s ok, forget it. I’m not mad. Don’t apologise.

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Selah

This is a truly beautiful song by a wonderfully talented singer – Lauren Hill. As I was growing up it was always her songs which seemed to say what I couldn’t, but was feeling. This song hasn’t let me down. Years later, older, living in another country and with different beliefs and she still vocalises seemingly as if she could read my thoughts.

I’m not sure exactly where the word “Selah” comes from. It has been attributed to Hebrew, but her words don’t match the meanings, except for maybe the pause in song stressing importance of the passage before. wiki link The same link states that it’s Arabic for prayer, which is also a match with the song words since she says “Saleh. And it means, praise and meditation” although different in pronunciation to Salah.

Anyway listen and enjoy. The song words are below.

 

 

Nothing can be done against the truth
No matter how we remain in denial, yeah
Wasting time
Replacing time
With each empty excuse
But that’ll only work a little while
Coping with despair
Knowing you’re not there
Ashamed to just admit
I’ve been a fool
So I blame it on the Sun
Run away from everyone
Hoping to escape this ridicule
Trapped in misery
Wrapped so miserably
In this deception that I’m wearing like a skin

Dying to maintain
Oh I keep trying to explain
A heart that never loved me to begin
Oh I’m such a mess
I have no choice but to confess
That I’ve been desperately trying to belong
Lying to myself
And everybody else
Refusing to admit my right was wrong

And then He came
Selah
And it means
Praise and meditation
And then He came
Selah
And it means
Did you think about that?
And then He came
Selah
Oh and it means
Praise and meditation
And then He came
Selah
Oh and it means
That it is seen

How beautiful is fruit still in denial of its roots?
My guilty heart behaved so foolishly
This treason from within
That reasons with my sin
Won’t be happy til it sees the death of me
Selfishly addicted
To a life that I depicted
Conflicted coz it’s not reality
Oh what’s left of me
I beg you desperately
Cause me to agree with what I know is best for me
Please save me from myself
I need You to save me from myself
Please save me from myself so I can heal

The choices that Ive made
Oh have been nothing but mistakes
What a wasted use of space
Should I die before I wake?
In all of my religion
I’ve fortified this prison
Obligated to obey
The demands of bad decisions

Please save me from myself
I need You to save me from myself
Please save me from myself so I can heal

And then He came
Selah
And it means
Praise and meditation
And then He came
Selah
And it means
Did you think about that?
And He came
Selah
Oh and it means
Meditation
And then He came
Selah
Oh and it means
That it is seen

And then He came
And then He came
Then He came, then He came, then He came
And then He came

 

 

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Are we so lacking in faith?

I received an email recently relaying information regarding a study which was conducted by a Dutch psychology Professor in the Netherlands. The gist of his discovery is about:

 

“the effect of reading the Qur’aan and repeating the word ALLAH both on patients and on normal persons.”

 

The Saudi daily newspaper who reported this story claims “that the psychologist was quoted to say that Muslims who can read Arabic and who read the Quran regularly could protect themselves from psychological diseases.”

 

How?

 
“The psychologist explained how each letter in the word ‘ALLAH’ affects healing of psychological diseases. He pointed out in his research that pronouncing the first letter in the word ‘ALLAH’ which is the letter (A), released from the respiratory system, controls breathing. He added that pronouncing the velar consonant (L) in the Arabic way, with the tongue touching slightly the upper part of the jaw producing a short pause and then repeating the same pause constantly, relaxes the aspiration. 
Also, pronouncing the last letter which is the letter (H) makes a contact between the lungs and the heart and in turn this contact controls the heartbeat.”

 

Ok, now the first thing I would ask myself upon reading this (and I did) is who is this professor, what is his first name and were does he conduct his research? I don’t suffer fools gladly and this is valid information. Do you expect me to believe a man who only goes by the name of “Van der Hoven”? Not until I see some credentials!

 

As Sheikh Khaled Yassin says “Mathew who? Mark who? Luke who? John who? Four different gospels that were written 48 years apart and none of these men who did not corroborate with each other, none of them wrote their last name? …. If a police man stopped you … and you only had your first name would that be acceptable to him? Could you get a passport with your first name?”

 

So this leads me to sigh deeply. More propaganda spread by Muslims to convince themselves to the existence and supremacy of Allah. Is the Quran not enough? Are they not aware that the Quran contains facts which were impossible to know at the time it was revealed to the Prophet Mohamed? Do they not see the order of nature and the beauty of Allah’s creation? Is this not enough to prove the wonder of Allah without possibly fabricating Dutch professors and medical studies?

 

I could be wrong about this. It could all be absolutely “REAL AND VERIFIABLE” as I was assured in capital letters in the email, but if it is, why did a Google search not come up with any more information about this man except for other websites discussing the same issue? I have a friend who is a law professor and when I type her name in Google I have pages of search results with her name and she’s not famous, but she exists. If this study had been published, by now you would have had no end of other professors aiming to disprove these results. This is Islam we’re talking about and we don’t need more reasons for people to convert to Islam now do we.

 

Don’t people see that accepting these kinds of stories without verifying them and then further propagating them to others who also don’t stop to verify them only causes non muslims (or at least the haters) to further laugh at and ridicule Islam. When unbelievers asked the Prophet Mohamed for his miracles, what did Allah say?

 

Say: “If the whole of mankind and Jinns were to gather together to produce the like of this Qur’an, they could not produce the like thereof, even if they backed up each other with help and support. And We have explained to man, in this Qur’an, every kind of similitude: yet the greater part of men refuse (to receive it) except with ingratitude!

They say: “We shall not believe in thee, until thou cause a spring to gush forth for us from the earth, Or (until) thou have a garden of date trees and vines, and cause rivers to gush forth in their midst, carrying abundant water; Or thou cause the sky to fall in pieces, as thou sayest (will happen), against us; or thou bring Allah and the angels before (us) face to face: Or thou have a house adorned with gold, or thou mount a ladder right into the skies. No, we shall not even believe in thy mounting until thou send down to us a book that we could read.” Say: “Glory to my Lord! Am I aught but a man, – an apostle?” Surah Al Isra: 88-93

 

The email lost all credibility when I got to this part. Sigh.

 

‘This is a simple test. If you love Allah and you are not ashamed of all the great things that he has done for you, send this to everyone you know, May Allah help U to succeed…Ameen 

 

 

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And I cried….

A friend of a friend committed suicide this week. He jumped off a roof and ended his life. Why?

Last month a friend of mine committed suicide. I don’t know how and I don’t want to. But why?

How can life mean so little to you that you could end it when you decide?

My friend was depressed. He’d been like that for years. As long as I can remember. Since we were in school. I hadn’t spoken to him for years. We all move on, our lives take us on different paths, to different continents, marriage and babies, new friends, new interests. But he was still my friend. Always in my heart. If I had seen him in any place he would have known me and I him. We would have hugged and kissed. Laughing and talking at once, shocked at the changes in us and eager to hear each other’s news. We would have reminisced about the past and the fun we had. We would have been happy. Or would we?

He was depressed. It spiralled out of control and nobody could do anything about it. Maybe he wouldn’t have been happy to see me. Depression makes you lock yourself away and hide from the world. Try to shut out the black thoughts in your head. Nothing makes you smile, nothing makes you happy. Not even seeing a friend from the past. I know. But at least I hope he would have been happy and we would have hugged and kissed. Laughing and talking at once, shocked at the changes in us and eager to hear each other’s news. We would have reminisced about the past and the fun we had. But that won’t happen now because he took his life.

My friend was so talented, kind, gentle, soft spoken and funny. Dry humour. Just the way I like it. He was an artist. He expressed himself in his art. We shared a love for music. I would have loved to show him my new life. I know he would have loved the Nile. He would have drawn me a picture and I would have done anything I could to stop him making the decision he did. We would have been happy. Or would we?

Rest in peace D. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you and I’m sorry you couldn’t see how precious you were to the world and all that you could have given. I’m sorry that the only way you could find to deal with the pains of life was to leave. It could have been different. It should have been different. I’m sorry.

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What’s in a name?

Xeper in response to my post about  predestination asked a couple of questions. To paraphrase;

• Why the usage of the name Allah for non native Arabic speakers instead of God?
• Why the usage of the name Rabb which is fairly uncommon amongst Muslims outside of Egypt let alone a British Muslim convert?

In my post I interchanged between the names Allah and God for two reasons. When I mentioned my life and beliefs as a Muslim now, I used Allah and when I referred to my pre-Islam days I used God. This is because this is what He was known to me as then. God.  It was I guess, a way of highlighting my relationship with Him in my past.

He wasn’t much for me back then. My main knowledge of Him was as the creator and the cause of any distress I was in and any success when I deemed to remember Him; usually as an offhand “Thank God”. People were sometimes fanatical in His name and on occasion others would writhe around on the floor speaking in a strange “tongue” which even they didn’t understand; because they felt His spirit. I was frequently accosted in the street by the bashers of his holy book, urging me to “seek salvation”; I preferred to seek ….. other pleasures and be “true to myself”.  

My mum used to reel off many other names for Him in her spiritually induced lectures (read “ramblings” as I considered them), my Dad called Him Jah and my aunt called Him Jehovah. Other family members and friends sometimes called Him on a Sunday. But still to me He was just God. I didn’t know Him as they seemed to.

Jesus loves you. God is good. God will make you pay for your sins. The only way to God is through Jesus. Jesus is Salvation. Follow Jesus. God works in mysterious ways. God is the Judge. To God we will return. Jesus loves you. Oh yes he does. STOP! Who is He?!!?

In the year or so preceding my reversion to Islam, He became a bit more to me. He was still a mystery, but one I wanted to solve. I saw him manifest in various ways and He started to become the source of my guilt. I was doing the wrong things. How did I know? I could just feel it. He was going to punish me. How did I know? I could feel it. But still to me He was just God. I didn’t know any other way to view Him.

Then I found Islam. Or did it find me? I’m not sure, but reading the Quran (translation) gave me an insight into who He is in a way I could understand. Now as a Muslim He means so much more to me than He ever did before. He is my life and reason for living. For Him I wake in the morning, I eat, I work, I think, I dream, I hope, I succeed, I strive, I laugh, I cry, I am happy and I am sad. He is my life. He is The One. He is Allah.

He didn’t change; He didn’t become a new god; He was and always will be the same. But I feel that “Allah” says everything about Him without having to explain. When I speak to another person who also calls Him “Allah” it’s like an unspoken understanding…. Even if that perception is all in my head!

Can it create confrontation? Yes it can. When I first reverted to Islam, my Mum would refer to Him as “Your Allah” in a condescending way and I would have to explain He wasn’t mine, He’s the same God that she prays to. By time, I found it made more sense when discussing Him with non Muslims, to use a neutral name. God for my Mum and most others; the creator for my Dad and any other person with uncommon beliefs. This way I create a platform where we can both stand on common ground and discuss the similarities and differences in our beliefs. Any other way I find causes the discussions to be conducted as if we are two people standing on opposing enemy lines.

Why do I use Rabb? This one is much simpler.  Partly, as I explained in my reply, it’s something I picked up from living in Egypt. The other reason is that I read once that Lord is a poor translation of Rabb which has a deeper meaning. I’ve also picked up the habit of using Arabic words mixed with my English when I feel it suits the meaning better Ya3ni…. J Maybe it’s because you can say more with less words in Arabic.

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