Evil Fat Man

I’ve been thinking about my ex boyfriend a lot. Like too much. Like more than is healthy. Yesterday I stayed up until 3 in the morning, baking so I could distract myself from thinking about him more. It wasn’t very successful. I dreamt about him and I remembered it in the morning. That usually means something for me… typically, I don’t remember my dreams unless they have some significance.

My ex boyfriend is one of the reasons I’m against commitment, and one of the reasons I’ve preferred to stay single for all these years. We were together for about 6 years, although if you count the periods we broke up it might only amount to about 4. In any case, for 6 years he was in my life and had quite a negative effect on me and my life. I’ve mentioned this before and it would be normal to ask – why did you stay? Well, that’s another story.

When I think about him I remember some of the good times but this is always followed by the bad. Our good times didn’t last for long, although when life was good it was amazing. Extreme charm and good looks were unfortunately marred by his faults. Most of my friends thought I was so lucky to have such a guy and we were also the envy of his friends. If only they knew.

This evening I (stupidly) decided to look up “Russell Grant” and for those who don’t know, he’s a “fortune teller”. Yes, Haraam and against Islam therefore I probably deserved what happened next…

Someone from the past could make a comeback into your life. Work out whether this will be good for you. After all, you’ve made tremendous progress since you parted company with them. Is it possible they held you back in some way? You must admit, you have a tendency to put your needs aside for the sake of others. By entering back into this friendship, your accomplishments could fall by the wayside. Maintain strong personal boundaries and hold out for something better 

I didn’t need to read this.

Russell Grant… you evil fat man.

Read Full Post »

Goal 3: Spiritual Development

In my post “History of The Year of Development” I stated that:

I need to actually put the remaining goals down on paper, revisit why I wanted stability and see if it’s a worthy goal and then add some new ones which I’ve been trying to work on but haven’t been able to focus on properly.

For each goal I’m just using this space for brainstorming. It makes sense that most of what I come up with will need more thought to clearly define each goal, its tasks and the way in which I will measure the results. Mostly I want to be able to refer back to here to see where I started off and then compare that to where I end up.

This is the third one: Spiritual Development

I’m a Muslim and very happy to be. I love Islam and enjoy learning new things about it that I didn’t know before or things which can be looked at in different ways according to perception, environment, education, scientific discoveries etc. I also enjoy looking into other religions or beliefs especially when I can see aspects which are similar to Islam (although not widely accepted as so) and which I can use for my own personal spiritual growth in Islam. I see the benefit in the rituals and I do most of them (at least prayer, fasting and charitable giving) although I don’t believe this is all there is to Islam. In order to solidify commitment to the rituals and get the maximum benefit from them you need a deeper understanding, connection and love for Allah – in my opinion.

One of my, largely undefined, goals is to develop my relationship with Allah. I’ve looked at various approaches to do this although preferably and importantly I don’t want to assign myself to a “sect” of Islam or be considered as part of one. I am and always will be a Muslim and that’s enough for me. I don’t need to defend my beliefs to other Muslims and join the in-fighting which is quite common between various groups.

During my research so far, I seem to keep bumping into Sufism. Again, I’m certain I don’t want to be labelled as a Sufi and I am aware that there are some sects of Sufism which according to popular belief have strayed quite far from the “conventional” teachings of Islam but this is not my business. Everyone needs to find their own way in life and the quickest way to antagonise a person is to insist you know what’s best for them. What do I like about Sufism? Basically some of the steps they use to draw closer to Allah. I don’t see myself following the strict path of Sufism, but I think some of their guidance for fighting the nafs and submitting completely to the will of Allah will be very useful for me. So far I figured that the best way for me to do this is be sure to cross reference everything I read with the Quran and Sunnah and most importantly ask Allah sincerely to help me stay on the right path.

Goal Three tasks (draft)

Setting my goals for this feels a little bit harder because I’m not sure which outcomes can help me to measure my success. Even what I wrote above is still pretty undefined. Develop my relationship with Allah… where am I now and where do I need to be? What’s the measure for this? Maybe I can start with the basics of Islam and go from there:

Prayer: Make a plan to perfect and increase my prayers (add the night prayers and more of the sunnah prayers preceding and following the fard).

Remembrance (Dhikr): Do more! Set myself minimum targets.

Fasting: Make a plan to increase my sunnah fasts throughout the year (add the sunnah fasts to my calendar so I can plan in advance and be prepared?)

Charity: Make a plan to give more in various ways which I can stick to and which will be of benefit (whether its money, good deeds, not throwing away food etc).

Quran: Set myself a target to learn a specific number of chapters by specific time limits (listening to less music and more Quran might help here! Slight digression, but the other day I pretty much memorised an Arabic song from listening to it so much and I remember feeling guilty that I didn’t do it so easily with the Quran. It can be done!)

Islamic Knowledge: Assign myself a particular area of Islam to study within a set timeframe followed by the target to incorporate it into my life if it isn’t already. I know it would take a lot longer to be a scholar on many subjects and that’s not what I’m looking for, I mostly want to fill in the gaps of my existing knowledge and then evaluate myself as to how far I’m following Islam or not. From my readings of Sufism so far, the scholars strongly advise that you learn the shari’a so as not to diverge from the truth of Islam.

Spiritual: Take one “sufi” concept (per week, bi-week, month), study it and practice it. I know that according to Sufism this isn’t right and according to one of my friends if you did it formally then your teacher would set you tasks to follow so that you can move up through the stations and Allah tests you along the way. Something like that anyway. I think for me to learn, try to understand and ask Allah for guidance is enough right now.

Read Full Post »

Everybody Hurts

Listening to REM and the song “Everybody Hurts” I started to think about my friend who committed suicide. I’m not sure if he would have really appreciated REM but the words are very fitting.

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don’t let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.

Whenever I feel really down, Allah is generous and merciful enough to show me I’m not alone. Without fail He sends me a sign to show that He is there and hasn’t given up on me so how can I give up on myself? After writing the last post regarding my doubts about stability I felt that something was going to happen – either to shock me, make me happy or make me think. This always happens with me. As late as it was, after shutting down my laptop and going to read before sleeping I received an unexpected text message not more than 30 minutes after finishing the post:

“I’m thinking of you”

It didn’t answer my questions about stability, but it was enough to shock me and make me think at least. This was followed the next day by a phone call from another friend who read my post and was concerned that I was feeling so down (Thank you.. you know who you are!) 🙂

I’m still no clearer on the issue of stability and following a meeting I had on Thursday which was going to seal the stability deal and which didn’t go very well I’m still not sure what will happen next, but I will continue to the end. I don’t want to be able to say I gave up.. I do that too easily sometimes. I’m going to give myself an injection of positivity and remember that all of life is one big education and some courses will be difficult, some will be boring, some will be stimulating. In whichever stage you reach you need to be steadfast and see it through to the the end – make it what you want it to be, get a better teacher, find study partners who can help you understand the course better, do whatever it takes so you can graduate and move onto the next course. If you continue to fail or not sit your exams, you’ll never pass and will eventually become a “drop out”.

Maybe I’m lucky I can take comfort in religion or maybe I’m stronger than I realise. Whatever the case, I consider I’m blessed and I can get through any hurt, pain or sadness no matter what, as long as I have faith in Allah. He doesn’t test us with more than we can handle:

“On no soul doth Allah place a burden greater than it can bear” (Al Baqarah 286)

 

Everybody Hurts – REM

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don’t let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it’s time to sing along.
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on.

Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts. Don’t throw your hand. Oh, no. Don’t throw your hand.
If you feel like you’re alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you’re on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you’ve had too much of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes.
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. (repeat & fade)
(Everybody hurts. You are not alone.)

 

 

 

 

 

Read Full Post »

Book Review: The Faith Club

Preface: Meet the Faith Club. We’re three mothers from three faiths — Islam, Christianity, and Judaism — who got together to write a picture book for our children that would highlight the connections between our religions. But no sooner had we started talking about our beliefs and how to explain them to our children than our differences led to misunderstandings. Our project nearly fell apart.

We realized that before we could talk about what united us we had to confront what divided us in matters of faith, God, and religion. We had to reveal our own worst fears, prejudices, and stereotypes.

So we made a commitment to meet regularly. We talked in our living rooms over cups of jasmine tea and bars of dark chocolate. No question was deemed inappropriate, no matter how rude or politically incorrect. We taped our conversations and kept journals as we discussed everything from jihad to Jesus, heaven to holy texts. Somewhere along the way, our moments of conflict, frustration, and anger gave way to new understanding and great respect.

Now we invite you into our Faith Club to eavesdrop on our conversations. Come into our living rooms and share our life-altering experience. Perhaps when you’re finished, you will want to have a faith club of your own.  Amazon Link

I bought this book with great excitement and really looked forward to reading it. I had seen reviews and welcomed the chance to read an interfaith dialogue between a Christian, Jew and Muslim. I’m finding it difficult to read though. So far I’m half way through the book and I started it a couple of weeks ago… it doesn’t usually take me more than a maximum of 2 or 3 days to read a book of this size.

In general it’s a good book; the sensitive subjects they deal with, the pain, the hurt, the embarrassment, the confusion and self searching, the arguments – it’s all a great insight into what can happen when you bring together three women with quite different backgrounds and religious convictions on open a platform for unrestricted dialogue. Until now I feel most empathy with the Christian member of the group, Suzanne. She deals with her part of the discussions in a very dedicated way i.e. dedicated to the whole purpose of the faith club, she says what she feels – sometimes with difficulty, she doesn’t try to dress up her religion (except for one incident where she offended the Jewish member of the group), she seems to sincerely want to know about the other faiths in order to redress her misconceptions and considers the aspects of each members beliefs quite fairly and equally in my opinion.

Then we come to Priscilla, the Jewish member of the group. Up to the point I have read in the book she comes across as the most petulant, whining member of the group who has the others tiptoeing around her and hesitant to express their views. Still unsure of whether she even believes in God, her dialogue has mostly dealt with the injustices dealt to Jewish people since the holocaust, their feelings of inferiority, their precarious status in the world and the politics right or wrong of the Israel-Palestine conflict. I hoped for more than this. I’ve never had the chance to really know a Jewish person and my only contact has been with the orthodox Jews living in England albeit a very external contact based on observation and then what I see on TV… their frequent stereotypes of themselves as viewed via Hollywood. I hope my perception of Priscilla will change as I read further in the book.

Finally we have Ranya, the Muslim member of the group. I think this member in conjunction with Priscilla is who is making me find it difficult to enjoy the book. I do empathise with Ranya in part, she’s struggling to find her identity as a Palestinian Muslim living in America after the tragedy of 9/11 and this can’t be easy for anyone, but I’m disappointed in the way she interprets Islam to suit her own lifestyle and need to integrate into American society. I accept there are many people who interpret Islam to suit their own needs from the most fundamental and extremist to the most weak and moderate but I’m a firm believer in the fact that even if you don’t like something, fact is fact. You might not want to follow it, but it’s wrong to try and change it to suit your own needs. Instead it’s preferable to accept that it may be something you need to ask Allah for guidance with and work on or just leave it.

One such point is prayer. She doesn’t feel she needs to pray in the way prescribed by the Sunnah and she justifies this by saying Allah is a forgiving God and will not condemn her for missing prayers! It’s one of the five pillar’s Ranya, one of the foundations that Islam is built on. You can’t build a house and say you’ll put the windows in “one day”. Your house will be open and unsecure, prey to the elements bad and worse. Prayer is one of the things which strengthens your iman and brings you closer to God. Prayer is not in the same league as eating with the right hand and which side to sleep on. In my opinion it’s not something you can take or leave.

Second point is Alcohol, Ranya tells of how her husband and Mother challenged her belief that she could be Muslim and drink alcohol. She states that she searched Quran to find justification and was vindicated by the fact that it only mentions not approaching prayer while under the influence of alcohol. As far as I know and from what is widely believed, alcohol was prohibited over three stages:

4:43. O ye who believe! Approach not prayers with a mind befogged, until ye can understand all that ye say,-

2:219. They ask thee concerning wine and gambling. Say: “In them is great sin, and some profit, for men; but the sin is greater than the profit.”

5:90-91. O ye who believe! Intoxicants and gambling, (dedication of) stones, and (divination by) arrows, are an abomination,- of Satan’s handwork: eschew such (abomination), that ye may prosper. Satan’s plan is (but) to excite enmity and hatred between you, with intoxicants and gambling, and hinder you from the remembrance of Allah, and from prayer: will ye not then abstain?

And Allah knows best.

Until now I can see many places where she has missed the chance to show Islam in a more positive light based on the facts of the religion. Yes the other women are starting to see Islam is not really as they originally thought, but they’re not seeing this based on some of the most positive and powerful aspects of Islam.

I don’t want to go through and pick holes in all of the arguments presented by Ranya since this is largely a book about each member’s personal journey to discover their own faiths and that of the others. Some might even argue that what makes me think my interpretation of Islam is the right one. I don’t think that, but there are some things which are clear as day and will not change no matter how many bells and whistles you put on it. I was mostly disappointed from the Muslim member because I expected it to be someone much stronger in faith and able to adequately represent Islam without diluting the truth. I’m also disappointed that so far in the book there isn’t more insight into Judaism and the rituals and beliefs of this religion. Until now I haven’t read much about Judaism so I had hoped for an introduction which would give me a desire to read more.

It’s mentioned a few times in the book that since Suzanne is from a majority culture and religion in the USA she is much more comfortable and confident in her beliefs whereas for the Jew and the Muslim they are both in the minority. This may be true and certainly shows in the struggles which each one is going through to define who they are and what they believe in. The book in general seems to be more about cultural and identity crisis than interfaith dialogue, which while interesting isn’t the reason why I bought the book. I hope it will get better towards the end.

Read Full Post »

What’s in a name?

Xeper in response to my post about  predestination asked a couple of questions. To paraphrase;

• Why the usage of the name Allah for non native Arabic speakers instead of God?
• Why the usage of the name Rabb which is fairly uncommon amongst Muslims outside of Egypt let alone a British Muslim convert?

In my post I interchanged between the names Allah and God for two reasons. When I mentioned my life and beliefs as a Muslim now, I used Allah and when I referred to my pre-Islam days I used God. This is because this is what He was known to me as then. God.  It was I guess, a way of highlighting my relationship with Him in my past.

He wasn’t much for me back then. My main knowledge of Him was as the creator and the cause of any distress I was in and any success when I deemed to remember Him; usually as an offhand “Thank God”. People were sometimes fanatical in His name and on occasion others would writhe around on the floor speaking in a strange “tongue” which even they didn’t understand; because they felt His spirit. I was frequently accosted in the street by the bashers of his holy book, urging me to “seek salvation”; I preferred to seek ….. other pleasures and be “true to myself”.  

My mum used to reel off many other names for Him in her spiritually induced lectures (read “ramblings” as I considered them), my Dad called Him Jah and my aunt called Him Jehovah. Other family members and friends sometimes called Him on a Sunday. But still to me He was just God. I didn’t know Him as they seemed to.

Jesus loves you. God is good. God will make you pay for your sins. The only way to God is through Jesus. Jesus is Salvation. Follow Jesus. God works in mysterious ways. God is the Judge. To God we will return. Jesus loves you. Oh yes he does. STOP! Who is He?!!?

In the year or so preceding my reversion to Islam, He became a bit more to me. He was still a mystery, but one I wanted to solve. I saw him manifest in various ways and He started to become the source of my guilt. I was doing the wrong things. How did I know? I could just feel it. He was going to punish me. How did I know? I could feel it. But still to me He was just God. I didn’t know any other way to view Him.

Then I found Islam. Or did it find me? I’m not sure, but reading the Quran (translation) gave me an insight into who He is in a way I could understand. Now as a Muslim He means so much more to me than He ever did before. He is my life and reason for living. For Him I wake in the morning, I eat, I work, I think, I dream, I hope, I succeed, I strive, I laugh, I cry, I am happy and I am sad. He is my life. He is The One. He is Allah.

He didn’t change; He didn’t become a new god; He was and always will be the same. But I feel that “Allah” says everything about Him without having to explain. When I speak to another person who also calls Him “Allah” it’s like an unspoken understanding…. Even if that perception is all in my head!

Can it create confrontation? Yes it can. When I first reverted to Islam, my Mum would refer to Him as “Your Allah” in a condescending way and I would have to explain He wasn’t mine, He’s the same God that she prays to. By time, I found it made more sense when discussing Him with non Muslims, to use a neutral name. God for my Mum and most others; the creator for my Dad and any other person with uncommon beliefs. This way I create a platform where we can both stand on common ground and discuss the similarities and differences in our beliefs. Any other way I find causes the discussions to be conducted as if we are two people standing on opposing enemy lines.

Why do I use Rabb? This one is much simpler.  Partly, as I explained in my reply, it’s something I picked up from living in Egypt. The other reason is that I read once that Lord is a poor translation of Rabb which has a deeper meaning. I’ve also picked up the habit of using Arabic words mixed with my English when I feel it suits the meaning better Ya3ni…. J Maybe it’s because you can say more with less words in Arabic.

Read Full Post »

Qadr – Predestination

With Him are the keys of the unknown (mafatih al-ghaib), none but He knows them. (Al-An’am: 59)

Sometimes I feel like I am being guided in a direction that I don’t want to go. Not because I feel danger but mostly because I feel it will be too new and unknown for me to cope with.  I want to keep things the way they are because I can control it – or so I think. I try to fight my Qadr, but you can’t can you? Even trying just makes your life harder than it needs to be. Placing all of your trust in Allah Subhana wa ta3ala will surely ease your life. 

But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not.  (Al Baqarah: 216)

Sometimes we worry about making decisions for our future, we feel scared;

“I don’t want to move to a new city – I won’t know anyone”

“I love this guy and although he’s not treating me right I don’t want to break up with him because I might not find another”

“I hate this job, but I’m worried I won’t find a better one”

When we look back after some time of having made the change, we may smile or laugh and say:

“What was I worried about? It wasn’t so difficult after all!”

Having recently left a stable job, which I wasn’t happy with and had wanted to leave for some time, I found this to be especially true. The fear of going it alone as a consultant when I wasn’t really that sure I would succeed gave me many a sleepless night. I thought and I worried and I decided against it and I became unhappier and less productive until I did what I should have done from the start. I made Istikharah.

“And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if any one puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is ((Allah)) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish his purpose: verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion.” (Al Talaq: 3)

Allah opened the doors; he opened them wide and showed me in no unclear terms that I needed to leave. I still didn’t know what would happen after leaving, but it was clear. I decided to trust in Allah, He spoke to my heart and He told me what I needed to do so I knew that no matter what happened I would be ok. In the past I had found it so hard to resign and stick to my decision, but this time it was all too easy.

“I’m leaving. Goodbye.”

That was my destiny. Alhamdulillah

 

“Our lives are predestined yet we have free will.”

How can we have free will if our lives are already predestined? The only conclusion I have come to so far is that since Allah is not restricted by time and he created us, he already knows what we will do using the freewill He has given us and it has been written in a book. So in this life, in the time sphere in which we live, it might not all have happened yet but Allah knows when we will be born, what we will think, do, say and when we will die. Allah is the knower of all things, Al Alim.

So it’s all predestined and we know and believe this, but when going through life, we must still think, reflect and use the Quran and Sunnah to guide us to the right way. We will be accountable for our actions since it was our decision to make them; our successes and failures are a result of our own making.

Success is not always a good thing. Sometimes when we succeed we fail to remember Allah and that our success is a part of his blessing, his favour on us. During all success, we should remember that we got there using freewill, but we were guided by Allah. Allah is the guider. Al-Hadi

Failure is not always a bad thing. There could be something better than we ever imagined waiting around that unknown corner and I think we sometimes need to feel failure as a reminder. We are not infallible. Allah is the giver of all. Al-Wahhab

“No misfortune can happen on earth or in your souls but is recorded in a decree before We bring it into existence: That is truly easy for Allah.  In order that ye may not despair over matters that pass you by, nor exult over favours bestowed upon you. For Allah loveth not any vainglorious boaster” (Al Hadid: 22/23)

So this leads to possibly another aspect of predestination, in that while we make our choices, Allah has allowed us to do so within the frame of his overall plan.

“But you cannot will unless Allah wills; Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise.” (Al-Insan: 30).

And let’s not forget the Shaytan; a clear enemy for us whose only intention is to lead us astray.

“Verily Satan is an enemy to you: so treat him as an enemy. He only invites his adherents that they may become Companions of the Blazing Fire.” (Al Fatir: 6)

But Allah is also the most merciful. Al Rahim

“On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns” (Al Baqarah 286)

I wonder sometimes if I waste too much time analysing and second guessing things. Sometimes I ask myself “Why don’t you just accept? Why don’t you just trust?” But isn’t this where free will comes into play? You have two roads to choose; the left or the right. If I just close my eyes and walk, mightn’t I find it was wrong and have no one to blame but myself because I didn’t use the mind that Allah gave me to make choices and decisions? I didn’t try to understand what each road had to offer. It doesn’t mean I don’t trust in Allah Subhana wa ta3ala, I still have faith that he will guide me in the right way, but I can think too can’t I and shouldn’t I? How can I receive Allah’s guidance if I don’t think?

If I analyse first I would then be able to say I made my decisions with the best intentions. Closing my eyes and walking is the cowardly way. Not wanting to be accountable for my choice. So I could say if things went wrong “well it was all predestined anyway, I didn’t have any choice in the matter”. But according to my conclusion, I did have a choice. I chose not to think and therefore the outcome is still of my own doing.

Analysing and making my decisions based on the best of my knowledge and I still make a mistake, I can say with a clean heart that I made the wrong choice, but I learned from it and when I reach the next road I can use what I learnt. If at each road I close my eyes and walk blindly I will never learn anything. I will never know what lead me to that road. Why my legs went left instead of right. I will never have valuable experiences (good and bad) to refer to in the future.

Analysing and making my decisions based on the best of my knowledge means as I get older I may become wiser, make less wrong choices and be able to advise others who will face the same roads I did. 

I may never know what would have happened if I took the other road, but at least I will know what lead me to the road I did take. I can use this the next time.

When I was younger, I spent a lot of time lamenting my choices. I was always an analyser, yet I would frequently use my head and ignore the whispers of my heart. Even when my heart was screaming I used to ignore it too. I would know I was making a wrong choice, but would do it anyway. I didn’t know how I knew I was making the wrong choice; I didn’t have faith and guidance, I was not a Muslim, not an active Christian and probably just plain young and foolish. But even then, my heart spoke to me as I’m sure it does to us all. If only we would listen.

 After making my decision, against my better judgement, when the proverbial s*** hit the fan I would cry to God … “Why God did You make this happen to me? What did I do so wrong in my life that You would make me go through this? If only, if only……..”

“When trouble toucheth a man, He crieth unto Us (in all postures) – lying down on his side, or sitting, or standing” (Yunus: 12)

It was always God’s fault, never mine.

I was wrong.

“Whatever misfortune happens to you is because of the things your hands have wrought, and for many (of them) He grants forgiveness.” (Al Shura: 30)

I knew deep down it wasn’t God’s fault.

“If only, if only……”

The unfinished cry. The unfinished recognition.  My heart had spoken to me. I ignored it. Allah is Merciful. If only I understood.

But I learnt from this. I learnt to follow my heart. If something doesn’t feel right then I leave it, take the other road, I try my hardest not to regret anymore, because I know that my experiences are priceless. They made me wiser and stronger. If it wasn’t for those choices I wouldn’t be where I am today.

My cries to God eventually led me into the fold of his deen. Islam. Now I understand better and I always try to remember:

“Allah does not change a people’s lot unless they change what is in their hearts” (Ar Rad 11)

I’m not proud of my mistakes, but I repented for them and Allah loves the one who turns to him in repentance.

“One who sincerely repents of his sin is as if he had never committed it. When Allah loves one of His servants, his sins do not harm him. Then he recited the verse: ‘Assuredly, Allah loves the oft-repentant and those who always seek to purify themselves.’” Hadith

 My dua’a

Ya Allah, I seek Your forgiveness for my sins and turn to You sincerely repentant,

I pray you will keep me steadfast in my vow and help me remain penitent,

Please help me to see the wrong I do, by constant self interrogation

So I may be protected from my own error and deviation

Your mercy and blessings will provide me with peace and tranquillity

I kneel before You Ya Rabb, my heart filled with humility

I hope Insha’Allah my ultimate destiny is paradise.

With Him are the keys of the unknown (mafatih al-ghaib), none but He knows them” (Al-An’am: 59)

Read Full Post »

Criticism

“If you understand who you are and respect yourself, you will not see criticism as a problem but as an opportunity to become a better person. When you feel inadequate or imperfect, the criticism is threatening and makes you feel that you have to defend yourself. When you are secure–not perfect, but secure–you can listen to the criticism and consider its value.”

     —Dr. Bernie Siegel

What is criticism? In my view as long as it’s not given with hateful or spiteful intentions, then it’s an opportunity to make changes and improvements. We should all be striving to make improvements in our life since we are none of us perfect.

So what happens when you are the type of person who doesn’t accept criticism? I use the word “accept” here, not “like”, because it’s a rare person who actually LIKES criticism. So, again, what happens when you’re the type of person who doesn’t accept criticism? Who will be the judge of your negative points, the wrong decisions you make? Who will help you on the path to success? Sure, Allah is the final judge, but can you afford to wait until the day of judgement for your life’s worth of criticism? Wouldn’t it be better to make the changes before that day?

“On the Day when every soul will be confronted with all the good it has done, and all the evil it has done, it will wish there were a great distance between it and its evil” Surah Imran, Ayat 30 Yusuf Ali

So mightn’t you wish you had accepted a little touch of criticism for your own good?

In most cases there is no obligation on a person to take action on the criticism they receive, at the end of the day it’s an individual’s choice, but there is no harm in at least listening and thanking the person for their concern. After this, the criticism can be considered, weighed and then accepted or rejected. There’s nothing to lose and all to gain. What could you be afraid of?

Allah Azawajal sent the Prophet Mohamed as a reminder to mankind of the wrong they were doing on the earth. Prophet Mohamed was sent by Allah Azawajal as a mercy to all on earth. The Prophet Mohamed criticised the people of Mecca for the wrong they were doing, but he did it with good intentions. He was trying to help them. Help them to change before it was too late.

“We sent thee not, but as a Mercy for all creatures.” Surah Prophets, Ayat 107 Yusuf Ali

For those who accepted the Prophets criticism there have been promises of success in the hereafter, a place in paradise. For those who rejected the Prophet, and some of those in the most disrespectful and violent way, there have been promises of suffering in the hereafter, a place in hell.

On that day, mightn’t they wish they had accepted a touch of criticism for their own good?

The people who rejected the Prophet did so because of fear. The fear of losing the pleasures they enjoyed in this world. Acceptance of the words of Allah would have meant cessation of the ignorance, idol worship, corruption and injustice prevalent at that time. The factors considered more beneficial to them than adherence to the commandments of Allah. This is what they were afraid of and this is why they rejected the criticism which came with good intentions.

Without trying to liken the everyday man or woman on the street to our beloved Prophet (upon him be peace), is not the person criticising you, just trying to help? If they didn’t care, would they bother?

“None of you will truly believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself”. Bukhari

And again, take it or leave it. Take it and make a change for the better or leave it and continue on your way. It might not help now, it might not help ever, but you never know when it might be useful in the future, so why not take it and file it for a rainy day? What could you be afraid of?

To accept could mean acknowledging that what you are doing or your way is wrong, so, reject it at the door, don’t let it in and it cannot harm the cosy image you have no doubt worked hard to create. If you didn’t know, it wasn’t your fault right?

If you are secure in yourself and you know that what you are doing in life is right and good for you and doesn’t cause harm to others, another person’s criticism should be seen for what it is.

An evaluation of good and bad points

If you find yourself feeling defensive, angry, resentful or distressed in anyway by a person’s criticism of your character, your life or your work then maybe they have hit a nerve. Maybe there is some truth to what they have said. The criticism, which you are receiving from a person with good intentions, could be beneficial if you would only open your heart to receive it.

Refusal to accept criticism leads to denial. Denial allows a person to continue living their life without making changes, even when those changes could be positive and valuable.

Read Full Post »